Down with the terrorists, down with self-doubt

I think I let my last post get to me. I've been horrified to return to the realm of instant publishing. So many things have happened in the past few days, how can I even begin to approach them?

First of all, I'd like to say thank you, America. Thank you, seriously. When I heard the news of Osama bin Laden's death, I automatically thought it was a hoax. How could it be true - we just removed him and placed him in a watery grave? (Of course, the logistics were much more complicated.) But after 10 years of wondering where he was, why we haven't captured him, and how he still has a head, I found it difficult to accept that justice finally found him.

However, what all does that change for America? Can we feel safer?

I answered with a resounding no, peering out my bathroom window, anticipating sirens and explosions in the sky. Once I convinced myself to believe everything I read, I thought of imminent disaster. The terrorists were going to bomb us, and they were going to start in Elmira, NY. Not so much. (And hopefully it will stay that way.)

We are no less at danger now than we were when he was alive. How many plans have been concocted in the last 10 years? What about his pupils and the men who have been loyally following him? And then there's the rest of the terrorists that operate on their own twisted schemes. I was enraged when we launched "The War on Terror" because a battle with an ideal is never ending. One terrorist is dead, but others remain, and more are born and trained every day. This is a lose-lose situation.

But unless we try to do something, nothing will ever be done and justice will never be served. The same goes for writing (and any other craft). If I don't at least try to write something for someone to read, I will never have an audience. I've trained myself to first turn to my journal, random pieces of paper that will be tucked away and never found, or that sub-folder in that sub-folder in that secret writing folder on my desktop. There, my thoughts have sat and gathered dust for years. I've been scared of my own shadow when it comes to publishing and I'm ready to stop hiding. Beyond my career as a journalist, editor, photographer and copywriter, I am beginning to embrace myself as a creative writer.

I was reading an interview in last year's Writers Market, which outlined the life of a published writer. Toward the end, the interviewer asked if the writers had overcome the feeling that everything they write is brilliant, something that beginning writers often do (...apparently). I wonder how you overcome the feeling that everything you write is awful, even though everyone else says it's perfectly fine (or wonderful or great or one of those other descriptive adjectives).

I must now admit that, as a writer, every day will be filled with brilliance and crap, I just have to hone my sifting skills that much more.

Once again, thank you to the navy seals who served our country so valiantly - you deserve all the rest and relaxation that America has to offer. And thank you to all of my moral supporters, while I bury the terrorism of self-doubt.