The Game of Persistence and Humility

Okay, it's time for a confession. I knew starting a business would be hard, and then I thought, oh, but it’s just writing, it’s what I do, how could it possibly not work? Now I’m wondering if I should go back to waiting tables.

I enjoy the idea of marketing, and all of the wonderfully scandalous worlds of advertising and the written word, but I’m having the hardest time with the most important element: selling myself. I can only rewrite my bio so many times. I can only market myself for so long until I start wondering, if no one is catching on, what am I doing wrong?

It has only been a few months since I took the leap into freelance writing, but it feels like I’ve been working at it for years, without making any contacts or any significant income. Every day is a job hunt. Unrewarding, completely unsettling, and like a romance that ended over ambiguous text messages, it is overwhelming me with a need for closure.

I don’t even know how many proposals I have floating around the tri-state area. For many of them, I actually spoke with people on the phone. They were potential employers who loved my work or were impressed by my resume, but why is it that I never hear from them again? I’ve been trying to dance a fine line between persuasive and pushy, but how do you know when you should pursue a potential employer until he or she finally does respond? It’s a difficult game, trying to be persistent and humble at the same time.

As I continue to read all of these wonderful books on "freelancing success," I am starting to realize why they all say the same thing: writers do not like marketing themselves. This is where we go wrong. We can write all of the marketing gimmicks you like, but when it comes to selling ourselves as a product, we shut down. It feels dishonest. It feels cocky. It’s as if putting our confidence in print will expose every little typo we’ve ever made in our whole careers.

So, as a writer, what am I to do when I have to write about myself? As usual, all I can do is be honest, and hope my potential clients can see what I’m trying to say.

Accepting Experience

I'm back home now. It doesn't feel like home, though. I felt natural moving around the country, meeting new people and experiencing the altering landscapes. I watched the clouds closely, and marveled over maps for days.

Cross-country trips really can bring out either the best or the worst in people . Sometimes it’s a tricky balance between both. For me, it’s a tricky balance. I feel raw. I feel like all of my emotions are on my sleeve. I am exposed, and feel completely nomadic, no matter how populated the towns we pass through. I act more passionately, as if the only chance I have is in that specific moment.

Near the border of Nebraska, I watch the rolling plains. I keep my eyes peeled for every cow, horse, donkey, sheep or moving animal. They spark something - pity or amazement that these animals live in these landscapes, which were once the new frontier. I feel the electricity of the beauty of nature coursing through my finger tips, up my arms and to my heart. Simultaneously, my fists clench with anxiousness and nervousness, wondering many mistakes I can make or avoid.

Unfortunately, sometimes a negative experience or influence is a necessary jolt to help someone reach a certain level of understanding. Sometimes that level of understanding is simply acceptance. That’s what experience entails: it is not a war with circumstances or a constant evaluation through hindsight. Experience is acceptance and learning. Accepting that our vehicles can’t cross the passes we dreamed of a month prior, learning that natives have a completely different sense of difficulty rating than us. Experience is absorption of the present, and analysis of events and reactions, whether they are good or bad. We cannot judge the quality of our experience in the past or present, and we cannot foresee the quality of a future experience. All we can do is live, accept, and learn. When experience is judged, especially if it is critically judged within the moment, growth is stunted and memories are taunted or lost by negativity.

So if something goes wrong, it is just that. Just as if the same event had gone well. It’s a passing of time, a growth of the individual and group dynamic, without judgments, that allows the human mind to expand and perceive not only the vastness of society, but of our country, our countrymen, and our planet. Embracing the good and bad is an element of learning. If we continue to judge present, past or future situations, we are not moving forward, but rather becoming stagnant, forgetting humility, forgetting compassion, and limiting our abilities and learning experiences.

Especially when away from home, so much is out of our hands. We did not know the roads of Colorado would be so challenging. We did not know how difficult it would be to use the crew in an nontraditional sense, to multitask locations and people. All we know is we can act, decide, move forward, feed our bodies and minds, experience the roads and towns for what they have to offer, and hope that truth and enlightenment crosses our path.