I've been away from home since last Sunday, and this is the first time in my life that I've ever felt homesick. I love to travel, and every day is more beautiful than the next, but I can't help but follow my mind back to Elmira, NY.
I've been struggling with a sense of foundation and belonging in that town. I still wouldn't consider it home, but my apartment, with my fiance and our mini zoo, has such a strong hold on my heart that it saddens me to think of them going through their days without me.
Previously, I fought the idea of permanence. I fantasized about being a vagabond, following the winds of desire to any location, hiking in strange woods, maybe joining the Peace Corps, and while all of these still make a romantic impact, something drastic has changed. I'm striving for a sense of purpose and belonging that I never thought was necessary before. Perhaps I'm just maturing, or perhaps it's the inevitable internal clock telling me to put down the beer and settle into a family.
Regardless of what is causing this newly discovered desire to be in a specific place, I am not upset by the sensation. It confuses me a little, and intrigues me even more. It's as if a new emotion just broke the surface of my chaotic life, and I'm trying to react to it in the most positive way possible. This desire to be with loved ones is something I've been waiting for my whole life - it's a purpose personified.
I cannot tell you where or why I am traveling, other than that I am nearly 2,000 miles away from home. I am doing something professional, something exciting, and I am honored to have the opportunity to participate and enjoy it. I am even more honored to understand how lucky I am to know that there is something - someone - beautiful and loving, patiently awaiting my return.
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